Tag: love

  • A Million Dreams – chapter 10 : The Kind of Love I Dream About

    A Million Dreams – chapter 10 : The Kind of Love I Dream About

    If I could choose any love story in the world, it would probably surprise people. I would choose the kind of love Gomez and Morticia Addams have. I know they’re fictional characters, but there has always been something beautiful about the way they love each other. They never hide their affection, never play games, and never seem afraid to let the world see how much they care.

    What I admire most is that they choose each other every day. Years pass, life happens, and their love never feels like an obligation. They still look at one another with admiration and excitement, as if they know they have found something rare. In a world where distance and indifference are often mistaken for strength, their devotion feels refreshing.

    I also love how they live life on their own terms. They are different from everyone around them, but they never apologize for it. They create a life that makes them happy instead of chasing approval from others. There is something incredibly romantic about finding someone who stands beside you and says, “Let’s build our own world.”

    And then there is their family. Their home is unconventional, but it is filled with acceptance, loyalty, and belonging. Their love extends beyond the two of them and becomes the foundation of everything they create together. That, to me, is one of the most beautiful parts of their story.

    When I imagine love, I don’t dream about perfection. I dream about partnership, friendship, unwavering loyalty, and a home that feels safe from the noise of the world. If I could choose any love story, fictional or otherwise, I think I would still choose theirs. Not because their life is perfect, but because their love allows them to be completely and unapologetically themselves.

  • To the one who will never read this – The sunset is beautiful, isn’t it?

    To the one who will never read this – The sunset is beautiful, isn’t it?

    There are moments in life when love does not arrive with fireworks or the rush of youth. It comes quietly, almost shy, as if it knows you have lived enough to understand its weight. That is how this story begins. Not with first love, not with innocence, but with two people who met at a time when the heart has already known its share of beginnings and endings.

    I never believed I was his first love. I never needed to be. By the time we met, we were both old enough to know that hearts have histories. People come and go. Some stay for a season. Some leave a mark. Some teach us what we want. Others teach us what we never want again. So I never asked to be the first chapter in his story. I only hoped to be the chapter he chose with a steady hand and a clear mind.

    There was something beautiful about meeting him at this stage of life. Love was no longer a passing impulse. It was no longer a wild decision made in the heat of youth. It was something deliberate. Something chosen. Something held with care. I wanted to be the one he picked with a mature heart. The one he stayed for. The one he saw as a place to rest.

    What he never knew is that he was my first in a different way. Not the first man I ever cared for, but the first man I loved with complete honesty. The first relationship where I walked in without pretending to be someone else. The first time I let myself be seen without fear. He came to me with a heart that had known love before. I came to him with a heart that learned what love truly meant because of him.

    And then life did what life often does. It reminded me that love, even when it feels deep and steady, is still a choice. He chose a different path. Not because I was unworthy, not because our moments were imagined, but because his heart was moving in a direction that cannot include me. There is a quiet ache in realizing that you were ready to stay while someone else was already halfway out the door.

    I used to think love was proven by being chosen. Now I understand that love is also proven by how you walk away when you are not. I loved him with sincerity. I showed up with truth. I gave what I had. And when he stepped back, I learned to step forward alone.

    Some endings are not failures. Some endings are simply the point where your story continues without the person you once hoped would stay. He did not choose me, but I am still choosing myself. I am choosing healing. I am choosing peace. I am choosing a future that does not depend on someone else staying.

    Love does not always end with two people together. Sometimes it ends with one person growing. And that is still a kind of love story.

  • A Million Dreams – chapter 9: The Perfect Weekend Morning

    A Million Dreams – chapter 9: The Perfect Weekend Morning

    There is something deeply unfair about weekday mornings.

    An alarm blares at an unreasonable hour, responsibilities immediately start demanding attention, and before you’ve even had coffee, life is already asking things from you.

    But in my dream life, weekend mornings are different.

    I wake up naturally, without the sound of an alarm trying to ruin my happiness. No rushing. No schedules. Just soft morning light slipping through the curtains.

    The first thing I see when I open my eyes is my favorite person in the world, still asleep beside me.

    Honestly, I can’t imagine a better way to start a day.

    Before coffee. Before breakfast. Before anything.

    Just him.

    There is something so peaceful about watching someone you love sleep. The world feels quiet, safe, and somehow a little brighter. It is the kind of sight that fills your heart before your feet even touch the floor.

    Naturally, I would move a little closer for a cuddle.

    Eventually he would wake up, slowly and reluctantly, and neither of us would rush to get out of bed. We’d stay there for a while, enjoying the luxury of having nowhere important to be.

    No phones.

    No plans.

    Just the comfortable silence that only exists between two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

    After finally convincing ourselves to leave our cozy little nest, we’d go brush our teeth and wash up.

    Still wearing yesterday’s pajamas, of course.

    Weekend rules.

    Then comes my favorite part.

    Coffee.

    Or rather, his coffee.

    Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how many tutorials I watch, no matter how fancy the coffee equipment gets, he simply makes better coffee than I do.

    It’s one of life’s mysteries.

    We would open the window and let the cool autumn breeze drift into the room. The weather would be perfect. The kind that makes you want to take a deep breath just because it feels nice.

    Standing side by side, coffee mugs warming our hands, we’d look out at the world waking up.

    And then I would ask the most important question of the morning.

    “Can we have pancakes and eggs for breakfast?”

    He’d smile and say yes.

    Obviously.

    Because every perfect morning deserves pancakes.

    In the kitchen, he’d immediately take charge as if he were hosting a cooking show nobody asked for.

    He’d mix the pancake batter while I cracked eggs for scrambled eggs. I would try to help, but somehow he’d still end up doing most of the cooking.

    I wouldn’t argue.

    Some battles aren’t worth fighting.

    Instead, I’d slice fresh fruit, prepare the plates, and squeeze oranges for fresh juice while pretending I was contributing equally to breakfast.

    Together we’d fill the kitchen with the smell of butter, coffee, and warm pancakes.

    The kind of smells that should honestly be bottled and sold.

    When breakfast is finally ready, we’d sit down and enjoy every bite.

    And somehow food always tastes better when someone else cooks it.

    Especially when that someone happens to be the best cook in the world.

    After breakfast we’d clean the kitchen together.

    One washes.

    One dries.

    Nobody escapes.

    And somewhere between putting away dishes and wiping down counters, he would ask:

    “So, where do you want to go today?”

    I would look outside at the beautiful weather and say, “How about a walk?”

    He would agree.

    Or at least pretend to.

    We’d get dressed in comfortable clothes, lace up our sneakers, and head out the door.

    But instead of taking me for a walk, he’d surprise me with a detour.

    Ice skating.

    The moment I see the rink, I would immediately remember that it has been years since I last skated.

    I would also suddenly remember every possible way a human can fall.

    Meanwhile, he would already be confidently putting on his skates.

    I would question all my life choices.

    The first few minutes would be shaky.

    There would be wobbling.

    There would be panic.

    There would be dramatic declarations that I had forgotten how to skate entirely.

    But he would take my hand and stay beside me.

    And little by little, the fear would disappear.

    Soon I’d be gliding across the ice, laughing, feeling like I had never stopped skating at all.

    The cold air, the sound of skates cutting across the ice, his hand in mine.

    Simple moments.

    Perfect moments.

    The kind that don’t seem extraordinary when you describe them, but somehow become the memories you treasure forever.

    And as we skate together on that beautiful autumn morning, I would think to myself:

    This is exactly what happiness looks like.

    Not grand adventures.

    Not luxury.

    Not perfection.

    Just a slow morning, good coffee, pancakes, laughter, and the person you love by your side.

    And honestly?

    That sounds like the perfect weekend to me.

  • A Million Dreams – Chapter 8 : The Perfect Date

    A Million Dreams – Chapter 8 : The Perfect Date

    Some dreams are grand. They involve train journeys across continents, little cottages hidden in the countryside, or flights to places I cannot even pronounce properly.

    And then there are the dreams that ask for almost nothing.

    A cool evening. A comfortable pair of shoes. A person I love more than anyone else.

    That is enough.

    We arrive with the best intentions. We have both noticed that our clothes fit a little differently these days, and we agree that it is time to become healthier. So we set out for a long walk through a newly opened part of a park we have never explored before.

    We promise each other that tonight is all about exercise.

    Naturally, things do not go according to plan.

    The first thing we discover is a giant maze.

    It looks simple from the outside.

    It is not.

    We wander deeper and deeper until every path begins to look the same. We laugh at our complete lack of direction. We take wrong turns. We double back. We become absolutely convinced we know the way out, only to find ourselves exactly where we started.

    Somewhere between getting lost and pretending we are not lost, we steal a few quiet moments together.

    The kind that make time disappear.

    Eventually we find the exit, feeling far more accomplished than two people escaping a maze probably should.

    From there, we cross a bridge and continue our walk.

    Hand in hand.

    Talking about everything and nothing.

    Old memories that still make us laugh.

    People we miss.

    Dreams we have not given up on yet.

    The future we are still building one ordinary day at a time.

    And then, of course, disaster strikes.

    We discover an all day breakfast bar.

    For two people committed to healthy living, this is a serious problem.

    Especially because they happen to serve the fluffiest pancakes I have ever seen.

    We stare at the menu.

    The menu stares back.

    The pancakes win.

    Every single time.

    So we order one plate to share, along with coffee, because sharing calories somehow feels responsible. At least that is the story we tell ourselves.

    The pancakes are perfect. Light, warm, and completely worth sabotaging a fitness journey for.

    Afterward, we continue walking as if nothing happened.

    As if those pancakes never existed.

    As if we are still extremely committed to wellness.

    The path leads us toward a fountain show, where music drifts through the air and bright colors dance across the water. We stop for a while, watching the reflections shimmer and move, the lights changing with every note.

    Around us, everything feels alive.

    Beside me, the best company in the world.

    We walk a little farther.

    Maybe we stop by the grocery store before heading home.

    Maybe we pick up a few things we do not really need.

    Maybe we stretch the evening just a little longer because neither of us is in a hurry for it to end.

    And that is when I realize that my perfect walk has never really been about the destination.

    It is not about the maze.

    Or the bridge.

    Or the fountains.

    Or even the pancakes.

    It is about sharing all of those things with the right person.

    A nice walk.

    Delicious pancakes.

    And the best company in the world.

    Three simple ingredients for the perfect date night.

    And one of my million dreams.

  • A Million Dreams – Chapter Seven : The Coffee Farm

    A Million Dreams – Chapter Seven : The Coffee Farm

    In another life, I married the person I love most.

    A few years later, we bought a small coffee farm. Nothing extravagant. Just a modest house surrounded by rows of coffee plants, where the air always smelled faintly of earth, rain, and freshly brewed coffee.

    Coffee teaches patience. We planted young coffee trees and waited years before they were ready to produce cherries. We learned how to care for them through every season, how to recognize healthy leaves, how to harvest only the ripest red cherries, and how to dry and roast the beans until they became the coffee we would one day serve.

    Our days followed a simple rhythm.

    We woke up early, shared our morning coffee on the porch, then spent hours walking through the fields checking irrigation lines, pruning branches, and inspecting the coffee plants. The work was repetitive, but never boring. Every task felt meaningful because we were building something together.

    At the very end of the farm, right beside the road, we opened a small coffee shop.

    White walls. Wooden tables. Fresh flowers by the window.

    Every morning we baked simple treats before opening the doors. Cinnamon rolls, banana bread, butter cookies, and small cakes cooling on the counter while espresso filled the room with its familiar warmth.

    Everything we served came from our farm.

    The coffee in each cup had started as a cherry growing just a short walk away.

    People would stop by for coffee, pastries, and a quiet moment before continuing their journey. Some became regulars. Others were travelers who stumbled upon our little shop and never forgot it.

    In the evenings, after closing, we would walk back through the coffee fields together. The farm would be quiet, the café lights turned off, and the sky painted in shades of gold and pink.

    It was a simple life.

    No rush. No grand ambitions.

    Just the person I loved, a coffee farm, a small café, and the comfort of knowing that every day ended exactly where my heart wanted to be.

  • What Never Was Mine

    What Never Was Mine

    Some people do not simply enter our lives. They settle quietly into our thoughts, our routines, and the spaces between ordinary moments. Before we realize it, they become part of our inner world, and their presence feels as natural as breathing. Sometimes I wonder why fate allows us to meet someone who seems to embody everything we ever hoped for, only to remind us that they are not meant to be ours.

    There is a particular ache in caring for someone you cannot have. You find yourself caught between wanting to get closer and knowing you should step away. You call it friendship, admiration, or anything else that feels safer than the truth, but the feeling remains unchanged beneath every name you give it.

    I searched for reasons to let go. I wanted to find flaws, differences, anything that could loosen the grip this person had on my heart. Yet every attempt only revealed how deeply I had already fallen. What frightened me was not the feeling itself, but realizing how much space it had quietly claimed within me.

    And so, whenever my heart wanders into impossible dreams, reality gently brings me back. I take a breath and remind myself of the truth I am learning to accept: he is not mine. Perhaps some people are not meant to stay in our future. Perhaps they are meant to live only in our memories, leaving behind a version of us that will never be quite the same again.

  • Dear diary

    Dear diary

    I spent the evening thinking about what it would feel like to see you again. Not the first meeting. Not the beginning. Something quieter. Something heavier. A return.

    I tried to imagine the moment our eyes meet again. I wondered if I would still feel that familiar pull. The one that used to make me forget everything around me. I think it would come back instantly. Some feelings do not fade. They only wait.

    I pictured myself standing close to you. Close enough to touch your face the way I used to. Close enough to study your eyes without rushing. I wonder if I would manage to stay steady or if the old nervousness would rise again. The kind that comes when something matters more than it should.

    There is a softness in the idea of returning to you. A quiet takeover that once settled in my heart and never really left. It was never loud. It was never dramatic. It simply filled every space and stayed there.

    Your eyes are the first thing I think of. I imagine them in front of me again. Familiar yet overwhelming. I remember how much I loved looking into them long before distance separated us. That memory still carries a sweetness that hurts a little. A longing that survived the silence.

    Sometimes I imagine kissing your eyes again. Not out of romance. Out of gratitude. As if thanking them for the way they once made me feel alive. As if thanking them for the way they still return to me in thought even after all this time.

    I think I am still marked by you. As if something in me was shaped by your presence and never reshaped after you left. There is no cure for it and I do not want one. The longing always knew where it belonged. It knew its way back to you even after the distance.

    Writing this feels like opening a door I’m trying to keep closed. Maybe seeing you again would not be dramatic. Maybe it would be a small miracle. A quiet moment where everything I once felt stands in front of me again, familiar and close enough to touch.

  • I’ve Lied

    I’ve Lied

    Some days ago, someone asked me what songs I’ve been listening to lately.
    I don’t know why I didn’t tell the truth.
    Maybe I wanted to seem like I’d moved on.
    Maybe I wanted to look stronger than I felt.
    Maybe I didn’t want anyone to hear the softness I still carry.

    So I said something casual, something light, something that didn’t matter.
    But the truth stayed quiet inside me.

    Because the songs I’ve actually been listening to aren’t the kind you share when you’re trying to look healed. They’re the kind you keep to yourself, the ones that touch the parts of you you pretend are gone.

    Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.
    I guess i’m in love by Clinton Kane.
    Please notice by Christian Leave.
    A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope.
    Follow Me by Uncle Kracker.
    Someone to You by BANNERS.

    They’re not all masterpieces.
    They’re not all impressive.
    But each one has a line, a moment, a feeling that reached me in a way I didn’t want to admit.

    Maybe that’s why I didn’t say them out loud.
    Because these songs reveal a version of me I’ve been trying to tuck away, the girl who still feels deeply, who still remembers, who still hopes, who still aches a little. The girl who isn’t as “strong” as she pretends to be.

    But strength isn’t always loud.
    Sometimes it’s just honesty.
    And tonight, this is mine.

    These are the songs.
    This is the truth.
    And maybe that’s enough.

  • When My Heart Finally Lets Go

    When My Heart Finally Lets Go

    One day my voice will fade from your life.
    It will happen quietly, the way evenings slip into night.
    If that moment ever comes, I hope you remember something simple. I loved you with everything I knew how to give.

    I chose you in a world full of other paths. I could have walked toward different people, different futures, different versions of myself, yet my heart kept turning back to you. You became the place I rested, the place I returned to even when I was tired or unsure or afraid.

    If I ever step away, I hope my absence brings you the calm my presence sometimes failed to offer. My love was never flawless, but it was honest. It lived in the way I looked at you when you were not paying attention. It lived in the laughter we shared and the quiet moments where we understood each other without speaking. Even when I struggled to show it, I was loving you in ways that were soft and sincere.

    If you think of me someday, I hope you remember the warmth. The gentle conversations. The small joys that felt like sunlight on ordinary days. I hope you remember that even in silence, I cared for you more deeply than I ever managed to say.

    And if life ever grows heavy, I hope you have someone who carries your heart with tenderness. Someone who understands your storms and stays close. Someone who gives you the kind of love that feels safe and steady.

    Because even as I let go, a part of me will always wish for your happiness. A quiet part of me will always hope you find the peace you deserve.

    Always.

  • A Million Dreams – Chapter  Six: The Train I Saved For Love

    A Million Dreams – Chapter Six: The Train I Saved For Love

    Some dreams stay quiet for years. They sit in the background of your life, waiting for the right chapter. The Eastern and Oriental Express was one of mine. I used to look at photos of the green and gold carriages and imagine myself inside them, moving through Malaysia like a slow and gentle film.

    I never knew who would be sitting next to me. Sometimes I pictured a friend. Sometimes I pictured someone I loved. Life eventually answered the question in its own soft way. One day the right person simply became part of my story. Someone who already understood my jokes, my moods, my rituals, my quiet parts, my loud ones, and I understood his Someone who felt like home long before I ever said the word, and I felt like his.

    So the dream changed shape. It became a honeymoon dream. The kind that feels earned. The kind that feels like a reward for every year of waiting.

    On the first day, we would board in Singapore. The staff would welcome us with something refreshing to drink. I can already imagine the way we would look at each other, half laughing, half emotional, because we finally made it. Dinner would be our first dinner on a moving train. The chef would send out something beautiful and we would pretend to understand the menu while secretly just enjoying the moment.

    The second day would take us to Perlis. I love the idea of waking up to the gentle rocking of the train and seeing someone there who feels familiar in the best way. We would explore art and culture together, probably take too many photos, probably buy something we do not need. The celebrations at night would feel warm and joyful. A little chaotic in a sweet way.

    Morning on the train would feel like waking up inside a moving dream. The world outside would slide by in soft green and gold. The cabin would smell faintly of coffee and warm pastries. A tray would be waiting on the bed with croissants, jam, butter and a cup of coffee still steaming. The window would be open to the scenery. We would eat slowly, half watching the trees, half watching the reflection of someone beside me. The train would hum beneath us, steady and calm, and everything would feel suspended in time. It would be the kind of morning that makes you forget the world exists beyond this cabin. The kind that makes you think this is what peace looks like.

    Day three would be the heart of the trip. Penang. Peranakan cooking. Georgetown’s murals. The smell of spices. I imagine us walking through the streets like two characters in a soft movie. He would hold my hand. I would pretend I am not emotional. Back on the train, Music. Laughter. Fireworks blooming beyond the Petronas Towers. A sky celebrating us. A sky saying finally.

    The last morning would be the softest. Breakfast in the cabin. Johor passing by like watercolor. The train rocking as if it wants to keep us a little longer. I imagine looking at them and feeling that quiet gratitude. The kind that sits in your chest and stays there. The kind that says this is the life I waited for.

    Soon after, the train would cross into Singapore. The dream would end. But the story we built together would keep going.

    And maybe that is the real dream.